Contemplating Insanity
by MegaMan-Atlas
Summary: Megatron attempts to reason with himself regarding his feelings towards Starscream. Why hasn’t he killed him? What does he truly want from the treacherous Seeker? Bears implications of Megatron/Starscream.


This isn't something that's supposed to happen to the leader of all Decepticons.

It is not something that should ever happen to the very object of all Autobots' worst fears, the stuff of the most unimaginable nightmares of both the old and the young. I'm the most feared, hated, and respected creature in the universe, and look at me now! My mind is full of this ridiculous turmoil.

That little traitor Starscream has stabbed me in the back more times than I care to remember. He kisses up to my face and then plots my demise whenever I turn my back. He's a creature so deceptive and ruthless that even other Decepticons won't come near him.

It's true that so many times in the past he has tried to usurp command of the Decepticons. He's blatantly stated his intentions, and shamelessly attempted to kill me more times than I really care to remember. He's the most disloyal creature I've ever had to put up with.

Through the years I have allowed him to maintain his position as second in command, in spite of all the attacks he's made against me and all the attempts of mutiny he's led. As an enemy, Starscream is little more than a nuisance: His plans will never prevail in the end.

But even if he always fails… Why do I keep him around?

Is it to prove that I am not afraid of him, to show the others that I don't see Starscream as a threat to my life and my reign? If it was, wouldn't I do more to show my strength by taking his life and proving that I do not tolerate traitors?

Is it because Starscream is intelligent? Because he can devise such clever plans? But what does that matter? His plans always fail in the end, foiled either by Autobot or Decepticon hands. He is so clever, but that cleverness is wasted by his own arrogance.

Perhaps his attempts of mutiny amuse me, somewhere underneath it all. Perhaps there remains in my mind some strange intrigue into the workings of his warped mind. Have I let him live all this time because I find him to be fascinating?

Whatever the reason, this time I have decided to end it. The repetition has become tiresome, and putting up with Starscream's treachery has worn my patience thin.

My fingers dig into Starscream's throat, and he looks up at me with terror in his luminescent blood-red optics. Why, I wonder, do I find those optics to be beautiful? What could possibly set them apart from the optics of any other Decepticon?

With my free hand, I lift my gun to aim it at his head. This time, I will not hesitate. I've let him go without punishment for far too long, and now he's going to die for his treachery. Whether I let him live all this time because I want to prove my strength, or because he is intelligent, or because he is fascinating, my patience has run out and Starscream's life has reached its end!

"P-please," Starscream whimpers, begging for his life like a simple fool, "Please let me live…"

Why is it that he can be so bold in trying to overthrow me, but when the tables are turned he becomes meek and sniveling? I know that this is cowardice, but it seems so unbecoming of Starscream. He is far too good to act in such a way.

Then again, he's too good to do a lot of the things he's done. He has a lot of potential, but all of it's gone to waste. If he hadn't been such a fool, perhaps he could have overthrown me after all. If he hadn't been such a fool, he wouldn't be pinned against a wall, about to lose his helm.

I position my cannon, still pinning Starscream against the wall by his neck. This will be a clean shot: he will die instantly and painlessly, and I won't have to waste energon by shooting him multiple times.

Starscream struggles wildly for freedom, powerless to escape my grasp. His body writhes and squirms and his legs kick aimlessly at the air. He's growing desperate, knowing that this time I am truly going to kill him.

Or at least, I intend to. My fingers brush the trigger, but in spite of my previous resolve to do away with the traitor, I find myself unable to do it. Why can't I pull the trigger? Why is my mind so full of turmoil, my thoughts tangled, my resolve made weak by those ruby optics?

Finally, Starscream's struggling calms to a halt. He looks up at me, his intelligent optics full of fear and confusion.

"Are you… taunting me?" He asks. "Trying to make me think you'll let me go?"

His voice is low, and reminiscent of the sound that Earth's "snakes" make. Yet, it strikes me in a way that no one else's voice ever could, and I wonder why and how it could have that kind of effect on me. It is a bitter voice, but sounds so sweet to me. I will miss it, when it's gone.

"No," I answer at last. "I'm… I'm going to kill you, Starscream."

Starscream becomes tense once more, his hands coming up to claw at my arm. "C-come on, Megatron, don't be so rash! I-I'm t-terribly sorry, it won't happen again, I'll just…"

"Shut up," I snap, cutting him off. "Don't be such a sniveler in the face of death, Starscream, it's so very unbecoming of you. I've given you chance after chance, and yet you always repay me with betrayal and assassination attempts. Give me one good reason as to why I should let you live!"

There is silence.

I position my cannon once more, and this time my finger actually begins to squeeze down on the trigger. With the pressing of just one switch, Starscream would be dead and the strange turmoil that had befallen me would finally be gone. Finally, I would be rid not only of the traitor but of the ridiculous, inexplicable thoughts I've been having about him.

A glow forms at the tip of the cannon. I close my eyes in a way strangely uncharacteristic of me as it does, and immediately begin to chide myself for it. What's this? Suddenly I cannot bear to witness Starscream's death?

It's the sort of pathetic behaviour one would expect from my brother, not from me. Not from _Megatron_.

The cannon fires and I hear an awful scream, beckoning my eyes to open once more. I heave a sigh at the sight, lowering my cannon and releasing Starscream's neck at last.

There is a black crater in the wall from the impact, small puffs of smoke rising lazily from its centre. That should have been Starscream's ruined head, but instead, it is just a fresh hole in the wall.

I've missed. Missing on the battlefield is unbelievable enough, but how could I not hit a target just an arm's length away? Something's kept me from killing Starscream… It could only be the turmoil filling my mind.

Starscream sits on the ground, huddled pathetically against the wall, hiding behind his knees. He is shaking visibly, fearful and tense from such a close brush with death. I look down at him and wonder what action I should take next.

I decide to think on it and do something with him later, instead turning away and walking down the dark hall, leaving Starscream to sit trembling by himself.

Again I have allowed him to live. Once again, he will go free and I will do nothing to punish his betrayal. But, this time I am the better for it, as now I have realized at last why I cannot end him.

It is not to show how great I am. I let him live because I want him to live. Because he is not only intelligent, but beautiful. His voice is captivating and his movements graceful. He is treacherous and wild, selfish and arrogant, but fascinating, soulful and bright, and brimming with untapped potential.

Perhaps I could teach him to use his potential. Perhaps he could be shaped into a more suitable companion, one who is loyal and will not try these foolish stunts. With time and patience, I am sure that Starscream could be taught not only his place, but to hone his skills and intelligence and use them to benefit the Decepticon cause.

This task is admittedly not an easy one, but I resolve to complete it no matter the difficulty. Starscream has the potential to become far too valuable to the Decepticon cause to simply throw away.

And besides that… I have some learning to do myself. This is the first time I have ever experienced feelings so wretched and ridiculous as infatuation, and I aim to control it. Killing Starscream may only serve to inflame the attraction, and thus I must instead overcome it.

I have already diagnosed the problems. The only thing I need now is the cure.

.

* * *

.

_Author's Notes_

_If this seems a bit.....__cut off, __fear not. The story has been picked up by __atlas*white__, author of "The Difficulty in Finding What They Call Beautiful", and a good friend of my sister and mine. It is now available on her account. (~atlaswhite)_

_This was as far as I intended to go with it, but the two thought better of it and eventually atlas*white took on the task of continuation. I trust deeply in her characterization.  
_

_Actually, you might like to take a look at some of her content while you wait for me to finish up chapter 4 of "How to Save a Life". It's quite good. And of course my sister __Loco the Exclaimer __has great stories as well, so go and look her up too, if you've the time._

_I hope the story has been to your liking. Until next time, adieu._

.

_ATTENTION: This story's continuation is now available!!_

http:// www. fanfiction. net /s/5397004/1/Making_a_Lover_of_a_Snake


End file.
